he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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