oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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