Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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