hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
