He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
