what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
