just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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