So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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