If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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