Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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