Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
