I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
