Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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