I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
