Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
