After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
