I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize