Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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