we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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