just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
