I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
