How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
