he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
