It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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