there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
