I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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