can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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