i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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