I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
