She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
