I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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