My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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