I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
