I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize