you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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