and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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