She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
