if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so let's talk penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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