dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
