he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
