I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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