i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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