Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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