Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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