I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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