Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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