another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
