Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
