dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
