He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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