i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Boobs speak an international language.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
