I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
