what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
