drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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