All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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