she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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