Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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