I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
